The unthinkable has happened and England have failed in their mission to qualify for the Euro 2008 finals, but fear not, as there are plenty of other events to help wile away those long summer days next June.
The official UEFA website informs us that, at the time of writing, there are just 198 days to go before the big-kick off in Switzerland (Austrians will have to wait a further 24 hours before their nation takes centre stage) but unfortunately, England fans' interest in the tournament has been tempered by their team's inability to throw off the shackles of mediocrity.
But, as many an inconsolable fan's other half will tell you, football is not the be all and end all. No, in fact, there can be life after non-qualification misery and there will be plenty of other interesting ways to spend next summer without having to follow yet another wretched England team at a major tournament.
So, for those of you for whom football is indeed everything, here we set out an alternative guide to other enjoyable things to do while the rest of Europe focuses on proceedings in Austria and Switzerland.
1. Beijing Olympics - As it does not start until August 8, technically the Olympic Games do not clash with Euro 2008, but nonetheless, the Chinese spectacular will provide a welcome distraction from the world of football for angst-ridden England fans. And since expectation levels for the Great Britain squad are slightly lower than for Steve McClaren's team, failure will not come as such a surprise, thus easing supporters' stress levels and allowing them to actually sit back, relax and enjoy the competition.
2. Tour de France - Following the Tour's brief flirtation with English roads last year, the nation's interest in the world's greatest cycling race is on a high (much like half the start list, presumably). The opening stage of the Tour comes soon after the final in Vienna, allowing fans who have been deprived of watching their football team in action to get their sporting fix from altogether different source - and we are not talking about a bottle of EPO.
3. World Squash Championships - To be held in Manchester on the brand new all-glass show court at the National Squash Centre - only a stone's throw from Manchester City's home - the tournament will provide a real chance for English sportsmen and women to actually win something. With five English men and six women currently ranked in the world top 20, following the squash next summer could well be the best bet if you fancy witnessing some real success.
4. British GP - Petrol heads may have been the ones who took stick at school, but it is they who are laughing loudest now. And their grins are likely to get a lot broader with Englishman Lewis Hamilton vowing to take the world championship title next season. And you know what? He stands a good chance of making good on his promise. Get yourselves down to Silverstone the weekend after the Euro 2008 final for the British GP and watch a real champion in the making.
5. Bobby Charlton Soccer Schools - Disgruntled supporters should stop moaning to their mates in the pub about the state of football in this country and actually take matters into their own hands. And what better way to improve the standard of English football than by sending their kids to hone their skills at one of Sir Bobby's famous schools? The summer of 2008 will mark the 30th anniversary of Charlton's Soccer & Sports Academy and the milestone will provide the perfect opportunity to inspire a whole new generation of home-grown talent.
6. Summer Tests - Of course, if you believe producing a decent football team is already a lost cause, you could always try following a different sport. England's cricket team are the obvious choice, and after discovering a new-found level of celebrity of late, cricketers are now nearly as glamorous as Premier League footballers, only with less cash and less offensive WAGs. Next summer, the glorious sound of leather on willow will be heard across the country as England face New Zealand in three Tests followed by a four-Test series against South Africa.
7. Music Festivals - Not being a sport, there can be no winners or losers at a music festival (unless you forget to pack your toilet roll and moist wipes, of course), thus providing a nice alternative to watching competitive sporting events that can always ruin your day. Next summer, take your pick from the wealth of events across the country, and drown your sorrows in a plastic beaker full of warm beer at places such as Glastonbury, Reading or Leeds.
8. Holidays abroad - Nothing quite beats football-related depression like taking a break away from it all. And where better to spend next June than the Faroe Islands, where the people will be more than happy to lend a sympathetic ear to troubled England fans' problems, not having ever qualified for a major tournament themselves. The highlight of the Faroese summer is a series of traditional boat races, one of which takes place at the Eystanstevna Festival in Runavik, on June 28 and 29 - an infinitely more pleasurable option to watching 22 grown men chasing a pig's bladder around a field.
9. Euro 2008 - Of course, a trip to Austria and Switzerland should not be ruled out entirely, and a journey over there in a neutral capacity could prove even more enjoyable than being there with England. Being able to mingle with fans of other nations without fear of being beaten up by either them or a bunch of over zealous local law enforcement officers would make a stay in Vienna, Geneva or Berne a wonderful experience. Say it quietly, but would it not be rather liberating to become French for a few weeks? Allez les Bleus!
10. Championship Manager - Or perhaps the least painful way of getting through the summer will be to lock yourself in your bedroom with a large electric fan, a phone and a pizza takeaway menu as you guide Euro minnows AaB Aalborg to Superligaen glory and the semi-finals of the Champions League.
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